Princess Piggy Poo never seems to be happy when I introduce her to my company. She prefers the solitude of her hiding house. Except last night when my friends Mariam and Paul came to call. Mariam and Paul were visiting for about an hour, when Princess Piggy Poo let out a few loud and sustained squeaks more pronounced than when calling for her morning lettuce.
“What does that mean?” my friends inquired, as if I spoke guinea pig. Ever since I was a little kid, if someone expected me to know the answer to a question, I’d make something up if I didn’t know. (If you say anything with authority, people tend to believe you.) “Princess Piggy Poo wants to come out and see you,” I replied.
Mariam seemed flattered. Last time Mariam visited she endured a golden shower holding Princess Piggy Poo, so this time I grabbed a towel to create a protective barrier between Princess Piggy Poo’s bathroom habits and Mariam’s lap. “She’s making funny noises,” Mariam observed. I assured her that it was good. Then Mariam asked if guinea pigs farted and I emphasized the noises were good for Princess Piggy Poo and to keep the piggy on the towel.
I gave Mariam some cilantro to feed Princess Piggy Poo. After a few reticent moments, Princess Piggy Poo started mowing through her favorite treat. “Give me more, before those big sharp teeth eat my finger,” requested Mariam, adding, ”She’s not done.” I handed Mariam a few more cilantro sprigs. Paul observed, “It looks like the guinea pig is eating green spaghetti. And, now that she’s eaten, she’ll probably poop.”
That was my signal to put my chatty, gassy, snacking cavy back in her cage. Funny thing, I really do think Princess Piggy Poo wanted to come out and socialize because that barrier towel wasn’t soiled in the least. Let’s see how Princess Piggy Poo treats next week’s guests.