Bad guinea pig!

I guess you could say Princess Piggy Poo and I had our first altercation.

Just like every day—at least twice a day—she was tucked into my pocket and I was petting her little head. Suddenly, and without any provocation I can recall, my pinky became lodged between her top and bottom teeth. “Bad guinea pig!” I yelped, removing my finger from the pliers-like grip. Without hesitation my index finger tapped the lump in my pocket in defense of its smaller compatriot on the other side of my hand.

You bet, I was mad, but for only a second because then I got scared. Princess Piggy Poo was quiet and motionless. “Holy shit, I killed her,” I thought. 

Not from the thump, it wasn’t hard, but I feared I scared her to death. I peered into the pocket, her little beady eyes open and staring blankly. Were those lifeless eyes? I couldn’t tell. If it wasn’t bad enough I beat my baby, I don’t even know what her eyes should look like. She spends too much damn time in that pocket where I can’t see her.

I lifted the pocket and there was no movement. With trepidation, hoping to be bitten as opposed to realizing my fear, I reached my hand back into the pocket. “Good God, Piggy, move,” I said. Nothing. I reached under her belly, which she hates, to get a reaction or feel for a heartbeat. I realized the heart pounding was my own.

My last resort was to peel her out of my pocket. My prayers were answered, I was no longer a murderess; Princess Piggy Poo lives.

Of course, I felt like shit for losing my temper. I forgot she had done something to provoke a reaction. Then I thought, what a brilliant combat tactic. Next time you’re in a fight, feign catatonic. Your nemesis will be stunned, you’ll win. Consider this free advice from a guinea pig that played possum.

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One Response to Bad guinea pig!

  1. kramer says:

    At first, this sounded to me like the “alpha” dog challenge a dog owner has with their dog. As I read on, it sounds more like a “cat” thing, where a cat just bites/scratches you when they are done with you petting them. I don’t know who was more scared after the bite-thump combo, you or Princess Piggy? But Princess Piggy pulled it off good with playing the possum card. I’m thinking that playing possum (pretending to be asleep) is a brilliant move for reasons other than just a combat tactic . . . it has worked on my husband for years!! 🙂

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