The “Beverly Hills Diet” book was sitting on my kitchen table and my friend Christine’s then-husband John picked it up and started thumbing through it. “You eat like this,” he warned, ”and you’ll be shitting like a goose.” I laughed picturing the poop-covered lawn the geese patrolled when I worked at Publishers Clearinghouse.
I’m here to tell you that when it comes to excrement, geese have nothing on Princess Piggy Poo or her kind. Of course, if you eat a high-fiber diet featuring endless supplies of hay and lettuce you may have nothing on geese either—but guinea pigs have a special relationship with ordure that only the most deviant among us would appreciate.
You wouldn’t believe how many brown bullets Princess Piggy Poo shoots from her chamber in a day, but that isn’t the crappiest part. Guinea pigs—and princesses are not exempt—supplement their diets by eating their feces. Ewww! The practice is called coprophagia. The fact that there’s a word for it is almost as disturbing as the act. Check this out—the caca consumed also has a name, it’s cecotropes. These are special soft pellets produced that recycle B vitamins, fiber and bacteria necessary for healthy digestion.
If you’re still with me, here’s the last bit of fascinating filth. Seems that unless a guinea pig is pregnant or plump, they munch the muck directly from their hiney holes. Gives a whole new meaning to “Hershey squirts,” doesn’t it? Hope you weren’t reading this while having your breakfast.